


What Should Have Happened 15x20

by Hiyochi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27645691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiyochi/pseuds/Hiyochi
Summary: Yo, so I haven't watched supernatural since season uhhhhhhhh 11....12? Somewhere. Anyways, yall deserve better. I took a spin on the love confession Cas did and had dean match it. Hope you like it and feel better!
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 88





	What Should Have Happened 15x20

The weight on their shoulders didn’t feel as heavy, but the weight in their heart didn’t go away. Both of them leaned back against the table, holding a beer as they looked out into the empty bunker. Thinking of those they lost. It never gets any easier, and although the pain dulls, even the slightest mention makes it feel as if the wound was freshly made. 

Whether it’s coming into the kitchen and seeing the too sweet cereal boxes then looking over and seeing a now empty table. 

Finding a sign language book that has tabs, notes, and bookmarks. Tucking the book safely into a box full of clothes and a couple pictures before putting it away. 

A simple trench coat that should have been burned or put away now lingers and finds its place wherever the boys go. Sam doesn’t say anything and neither does Dean, but he lingers. His fingers brush over it before they grab weapons for their hunt. Just a quiet reminder for himself before his fingers curl away and he grits his teeth and has to push on. 

The weight stays, but getting through the day is easier. 

The brothers find ways not to mention their lost ones, finding ways to not comment on something that might make them think of what they lost while gaining their freedom. But that doesn’t stop them from wistfully mentioning it. 

“Have you seen this video?”

“Yeah, Eileen showed it to me already---” 

And the heavy silence that follows as Sam’s eyes grow a bit distant and he pats Dean on the shoulder before moving on with something else. 

“Dean, is this t-shirt yours? I found it in my laundry.”

“No, that’s uh, Jack’s....I gave it to him, guess he didn’t take it with...” Dean answered, looking over and Sam looked at the shirt. Dean tries to lighten what he said by adding, “But, he doesn’t need clothes like that anymore, right?” he quirked his lip only for it to fall. 

“Yeah…” Sam said quietly as he turned back to the laundry but he didn't throw away the shirt, only put it away safely. Maybe one day, the owner of it will need it, comes back. 

The topic of Castiel was the touchiest and the hardest not to broach. Everything in their little made family had the angel’s memory in it. The coffee, the car, the music, even being with his own brother. Some nights were easier, some nights he’d fall asleep with alcohol on his breath and the trench coat clutched tightly against him.

It was a dam between them that was waiting to break and all it took was a pin. 

“Dean….It’s been weeks, I don’t think you can handle any more, now that we’re….you know….since Chuck.” Sam commented to his brother, finding him in the library and clutching his head and empty bottles keeping him company. They weren’t superhuman anymore, they couldn’t heal like they once did, they could bleed and scar, and they could die like any other human. 

Sam watched his brother concerned before coming over to sit by him. “I miss them too, you know.”

Dean was quiet and he let out an exhale through his nose, his mouth quirking as if it was just that. 

Sam sat there with his brother in silence for a long time, thinking the other wasn’t going to talk so he got up to go. 

“He told me, he loved me…” Dean said quietly, his voice rough around the edges, whether it’s from just waking up or the emotion that wrapped his words. His voice quaked. His lip trembled a little as he fiddled with the label of an empty bottle. 

Sam’s eyes flickered as his brows creased, Dean had told him how Cas sacrificed himself to the empty for them, for Dean, but not how. Just that he needed a moment of happiness and the empty took him. “Dean…”

“I didn’t even get to say Goodbye.” Dean laughed pitifully, he shook his head and his head dropped down. “Dumb son of bitch just....” he sniffled before looking up at the table, looking at the name he carved in. “It’s not fair, you know?”

“No, it’s not fair…” Sam agreed, coming over to Dean again. “Neither of us could have said goodbye. How this ended up, it’s not fair.”

Dean shook his head again, “You….you and Eileen had time. You had that time with her. She knew what...what you felt. Maybe you didn't get the goodbye, but you had moments with her.” his fingers curled tighter around the bottle. “I just...he didn’t have to die.” he sounded so defeated, his words used to have anger in them thinking of how his angel died for him, for them. To leave them without him having a say, but all was left was sadness because he didn’t want to hold anger against Castiel. He just wanted another moment.

“Do you...about Cas?” Sam prodded gently after a moment, having seen them for so long and knowing how they were together. It was obvious to him, but neither ever did anything. Maybe the timing wasn’t ever right, but Castiel always tried to make that bridge and Dean just never crossed it. 

Dean was quiet again, the silence lingered longer than before. He breathed out. “This pain...what I feel...It’s worse than when Dad died, when mom died...when Jo, Kevin, Charlie, everyone...It hurts. It hurts so damn bad. I feel like a part of me is gone....” he laughed bitterly. “Like I’m empty…” he blinked a tear out before wiping it with the back of his hand. “I’d do anything…. _anything._ To get him back.” 

Sam feels his heart ache and his eyes sting, he mourned for the both of them. He only had Eileen for a moment but Dean has had Castiel for years. Never the right time, both barely passing each other or the moment slipping through their fingers before they could grasp it. 

“You still have my shirt and Marvin the talking teddy.” a voice rang out. 

Both brothers jerked, jumping out their seat and reaching for a nearby weapon. 

Jack had his teddy bear tucked under his arm and the t-shirt stretched in front of him. He looked at the brothers who seemed so startled to see him and he offered a small smile. 

“Jack?! What...what are you doing here? I... we thought you were in heaven doing---is everything okay?” Sam stammered. 

Jack put the teddy bear down and shirts on the map table before coming closer. “Heaven is being rebuilt and I’m slowly fixing things. It’s not what it used to be, but I hope it’s what it should be.” he explained. “And although the new powers are different…. I’m still me. I’m still Jack. And I missed you guys.” he said shyly. “Though I can’t stay…” he added on, sadly. 

“Well...it’s, it’s great to see you. I’m sure what you’re doing is great.” Sam said, glancing to Dean. 

Dean offered a small smile, “We’re proud of you, kiddo.” he praised, watching Jack’s face light up at hearing him say that. “You can’t stay, doesn’t mean you can’t stay for a few hours. Maybe we can whip you up something---” he suggested, already moving to go to the kitchen, wanting time to compose himself anyways. 

“That’s okay Dean, I don’t really eat anymore anyways.” Jack assured him. 

“So, are you just here for your stuff?” Sam asked curiously. 

“No, that was really an excuse.” Jack answered honestly, watching the two’s face look at him in confusion for a moment. “I could only bring back the recently dead, so….” he turned and extended a hand. 

Eileen stepped out and into the clearing and Sam stood straighter, staring at her as she met his gaze. 

“Eileen?!” Sam swallowed a few times. 

She offered her warm smile, “Sam.” she said before the younger Winchester ran to her and embraced her, twirling them in a circle slightly before lowering her back down. She buried into his chest and held onto him tightly. 

Dean watched them, happy for his brother. At least not all was lost. He waited for his turn before Eileen hugged him as well. He kissed her head as he held her close. “I’m glad you’re back…” he whispered. 

“Me too….” Eileen replied quietly, pulling back to look at Dean and seeing his reddened eyes before looking at Sam, who was ready to shed tears. She let Dean go to return to Sam, hugging him again. 

“Well that really calls for me to whip something up, huh?” Dean clapped his hands before feeling everyone look past him. 

Soft footsteps approached and Dean suddenly felt like time was slowing and his heart was ready to beat out his chest. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Dean stood in his spot, shellshocked and unable to look. His eyes flicked and a million thoughts were going through his head. His eyes moved to Jack who nodded a little. His heart felt like it was in his throat as he turned, seeing the same blue eyes that haunted his dreams, the one who saw through his misery, the one who stayed beside him for years, the one who got angry for him, cried for him. The same ones that looked at him tenderly and loved him. 

“Cas…” the name but a hushed whisper. 

Sam ushered everyone else out with him, Jack and him talking as they disappeared. Neither of the two who were left even bother looking away or commenting. 

The silence was palpable, and Dean was just standing there in shock, staring, unsure he was able to believe the sight. “Are...is it really you?”

“It’s really me.” Castiel offered a small smile, extending his arms out before letting them flop at his sides. 

Dean’s eyes flickered over the other, he wasn’t wearing his trench coat but the same suit, same tie, same shoes as he did when he disappeared.... his face turned from shock to anger and he strode up to Castiel. “Cas, you son of a bitch--!” he grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close. “Never. _Never do that again._ ” his voice shook as he stared at the other, his eyes stinging. 

Castiel’s hands went up to gently rest over Dean’s, watching the hunter’s face soften and flicker from their hands back to his eyes. “I’d do it all over again for you, Dean Winchester.” he whispered. 

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat, looking into those clear blue eyes and seeing the honesty and devotion that was held in them. How long has Castiel looked at him like this? Has felt the way he has? Why did he never notice until it was too late? His hands loosened its grasp, enough for Castiel to slide his fingers into the open space and hold his hands, letting them lower between them. 

Dean moved and rested his forehead against him. “I can’t go through that again...I need you here with me. I need you…” 

“I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me. We’re family.” Castiel assured him. 

Dean squeezed the other’s hands, his brows creasing for a moment as he pulled back a little to look at Castiel. His eyes flickered between both of Castiel’s, “You’re more than just family to me, Cas…” he started. 

The angel quieted to let the other talk, feeling anxious himself. He had really believed that was the end for him. He wanted to put all his cards out for the other, even if he never got to hear what Dean thought, maybe it would be better that way. To not deal with that pain as well. He was content to just love the older Winchester and not ask for more. All he wanted was for Dean to be happy, to live a life he wanted, to be free. He didn’t ever want to ask for more. 

“You left before I could reply. Hell…. you left before I could even breathe, let alone think.” Dean told him. “I never…I never thought that I was ever worth something, that hunting was all I could do and protect Sam. I was always just so gung-ho to go in guns blazing to kill the evil. It was always, do this Dean, do that...and it felt like I never had control over anything. Learning...learning that we were just pawns of God’s sick game, I felt like I just lost sight of everything.” his eyes continued to watch Castiel’s, the one who held so much patience for him. 

“I’ve always felt so small and so scared. I never told Sam, but maybe I will one day. But I’m so scared…. I’m scared every day. I’m scared of losing the people I love, I’m scared of hurting others, I’m scared of dying.” Dean confessed quietly, his thumbs gently brushing over Castiel’s knuckles and looking down at their clasped hands. 

“But you…my fears feel so small compared to yours. You let everything go. Your home, your position in heaven, the rules that were ingrained into you. You were a powerful warrior of heaven and because of me, you even became human at one point. I should have protected you better, I should have given you that comfort and stability you’ve always given me. I’m sorry…I’m sorry I couldn’t and didn’t see.” He continued, his eyes getting blurry as he blinked out tears. “I had my head so far up my ass that I couldn’t see what was in front of me. I took you for granted, I never got out of my head of just protect Sam and hunt. But you stayed beside me, never asking for more and giving me everything.” His eyes looked back into the angel’s. 

Castiel didn’t say anything, letting the other speak his heart. He wanted to tell the other that he didn’t need that, but his heart ached at the times where he also felt lost and alone. That his heart was what kept him going, his own mission in life. To protect Dean Winchester. Maybe hearing these words was what he always wanted but never asked for because he was scared, he’d get pushed further away. It was better to be content than be with nothing. 

“You said I was the most caring man on Earth and the most selfless human being…that because I cared, you cared. From how I see it, you always had heart, Castiel. You were the quirky little angel that would help old ladies cross streets, helping kittens out of trees, saving kids from burning houses, the whole nine.” Dean’s voice brightened a bit and Castiel rolled his eyes. 

“Dean..” he said exasperatedly. 

“Maybe you don’t want to hear it, but you were always special.” Dean’s teasing look softened and he looked back at the other. “You said I changed you when you pulled me out of hell…” 

“I never regret a single moment of it.” Castiel promised. 

Dean smiled a little, reaching up to brush his thumb on Castiel’s cheek. “Well you changed me the moment you felt like I was worth saving.” he whispered. “You saw through me. Through my facade, through the big tough guy act, through my pain and misery. You were always there. You were always my constant. You kept me grounded when I felt like I was spiraling out of control. You stayed by my side through everything and losing…. losing you hurt more than I could ever explain. Without you...I can’t do it...I can’t do any of this without you…” his voice became hushed again, voice shaking as everything felt like it was spilling over but that weight in his chest felt light. 

Castiel reached up to brush his thumb over Dean’s cheek, swiping away tears, not even knowing he was crying himself. “Why does this sound like a confession?” 

“Because it is,” Dean laughed softly, “I love you, Castiel.” he gently cupped the angel’s face and kissed him sweetly and gingerly. The kiss melted into a handful, each tender but a little closer and deeper. 

Again, laughing as he rested their foreheads together, breathing the same air. They smiled together. 

“That felt like a long time coming…” Dean whispered. 

“It has been…” Castiel agreed, smiling a little, lacing his fingers through Dean’s as they stood together. 

A comfortable silence settled between them before Dean gently whispered. 

“Hey, Cas…?”

“Yes, Dean?” 

“Welcome home.”

“I’m home.”


End file.
